RuPaul's Drag Race - May The Best WoMAN Win

Ru makes sure to showcase a gown an episode.

Gentlemen: Start your engines! Last night was the premiere of RuPaul's Drag Race and finally I have a reason to blog again. Drag Race is one of the few shows I watch where I literally have a huge smile on my face the entire time. I've already watched it 3 times, but I guess that says more about me than this show. It's the 4th season of queens battling it out for the title of Ultimate Grand Supreme America's Next Drag Superstar, so if you don't know what I'm talking about you need to do yourself a favor and catch up asap.

Every episode is filled with the most delightful double entendres ever, super sass and a whole new vocabulary of ah-mazing. Ru and the other writers must be in constant hysterics when writing this show, because it's pure gold. The first challenge was based on the 'Rupocalypse' (just stop right!?! HILARIOUS).

The pictures below are from the photo shot the girls had to do posing on a spinning platform while The Pit Crew aka slippery, ripped, naked guys in speedos, shot 'toxic waste' at them (remember it's 2012, the year of the Rupocalypse). These photos are horrible, the girls were all lost and had no concept of what to do which was awesome to watch. Models, they are not.

Here are my first impressions of the girls this season and who I think has the most Charism, Uniqueness, Nerve & Talent:

Chad Michaels

'Chaz Michael Michaels' looks more like RuPaul's bestie and fellow judge Michelle Visage then Cher. She's the oldest queen in the group and seems to have matured with her age. 

Didi Ritz

Didi has a hot bod, but she's mainly over powered by the stronger personalities in the group. I like her good vibes but she looks like a hot mess all of the time.

Kenya Michaels

Kenya looks just like a little les-bean, you really can't tell she's in drag. She had some fantastic dance moves in the work room! I can't wait until this mouth breather has to lip synch for her life.

Milan

Milan said a few funny things and obvs has a good heart, but meh.

Sharon Needles

This girl had me from go by describing herself as 'Beautiful, Spooky and Stupid'. She's fucking hilarious and I love everything about her, everything! OMG the high kick she did when she found out Elvira was the guest judge that episode. I love that she won the challenge bc she's so unconventional for a drag queen, especially since Ru usually goes for the pretty girls.

Jiggly Caliente

Somehow this whiny queen won the photo shot challenge, even though she fell off the spinning platform (all the fatties fell off, of course). I'm a fan of the fat girl splits she did and the part about her mom passing away was sad, but she bugs me. I hope she goes soon.

Alisa Summers

I'm glad she went home first, she brought nothing to the table.

The Princess

You knew The Princess had a crush on Sharon Needles when she told her she goes for guys like her, that 'meth look'. She's definitely quiet but you know there's something insane going on there since some of her tattoos include a Miller Lite can, Smurf and penis.

Phi Phi O'Hara

Obviously the instigator of the group. Some might argue William is, but I would disagree. For being one of the prettiest girls there it's painfully obvious she's one of the most insecure. Pee pee, as I've taken to calling her, is filled with a bunch of hot air and talks shit just to hear the sound of her own voice.

Lashauwn Beyond

The most memorable thing about her is that she can't pronounces apocalypse 'apoca-apolypse'.

Madame LaQueer

Started off strong by saying she was so excited she wanted to pee on the floor and then 'flip flop' around in it, then she faded off fast. The most memorable thing about her is the way Ru sounds surprised to see her every time she says her name.

Latrice Royale

This is by far my favorite photo! Latrice looks like KRS One and acts like him to. She has a big heart but will spit fire against her opponent when provoked. On second thought, Kris is that you?

Willam

Don't get it twisted, Willam is a total snooty mc snob snob, but at the same time this bitch is hilarious and she's just speaking the real. It's only episode 1, but she hasn't gotten hot headed of flown off the handle while being screamed at and provoked. I'm not sure if her dead pan delivery is bc she has a great sense of humor or bc she doesn't have two brain cells to rub together. She's by far one of my favorites.

Another great aspect of this show are the celebrity guest judges. This episode it was Elvira, charming as can be, and she looks beyond! She's in her 60's and her boobs/chest looks ah-mazing, along with the rest of her. 

I'm pretty shocked that Sharon Needles won with the look below, but super excited about it. Ru has always favored the prettier, girlie girl queens and this is mos def not that! I'm looking forward to an unpredictable season!

Word Up To Mob Wives

 from Left to Right: Karen, Drita, Carla, Renee

OMG you guys Mob Wives! Now granted I don't watch any of the 'Wives' reality shows (Real Housewives, Basketball Wives, Hip Hop Wives etc). However I can say with complete confidence that Mob Wives brings the drama and brutality that's unparalleled on any show out there (except maybe Bad Girls Club, which I also don't watch). You know, if you're into the crazy women drama rama ding dong sorta thing.

The title of the show spells it out for you, these women are married to mobsters and have family/fathers in the mob. They were born and raised in 'the life' as they refer to it. There's only 4 main women on the show (they've added 2 more so far this season but they're primarily co-stars so far, not main characters).

Drita is my favorite. Her husband, Lee, is currently incarcerated and she just found out he cheated on her. Which lends itself to a whole line of questioning, like seriously there's another woman coming to prison to give him conjugal visits?! 

At any rate, Lee use to date another one of the main characters, Karen before getting with and eventually marrying Drita. There's an ongoing verbal and physical battle going on between Drita and Karen since they were friends at the time Lee left Karen for Drita. Karen's basically uber pathetic and won't let it go no matter what Drita does.

This season, Renee's husband, Junior, is home and awaiting trail and is already a two time convicted felon. The final of the main characters is Carla, who's husband Joseph was incarcerated at the beginning of Season 1, but was released during it and now is out of jail. It seems like a conflicting interest, to say the least, to have these women airing their dirty laundry on TV, but thankfully for us they're doing it anyway!

Turns out that the lives of wives and kids of mafiosos are fascinating. It's crazy and interesting, because they do give background on the mobster men in their families (seriously all of these guys have murdered people), but really the women this show is based on are the main attraction. Needless to say with that type of line up a lot of drama ensues. They're not raised in a 'forgive and forget' environment so they hold on to everything and old drama is constantly getting brought up. I don't know how these four women were ever friends and continue to run in the same circles because they all have major problems with one another.

The second episode of the Season 2 just aired this past Sunday and the drama continues. These are women in their 30s and 40s and are tough as nails and straight up beating on one another (at times). Since their issues are ongoing and unresolved, it often gets intense. Last episode I basically watched with my jaw dropped through out the entire thing as 'Kranky Karen', as always, couldn't let the Lee situation go and had to approach Drita at Renee's 'I'm Alive' party. Real quick, Renee through a party for herself after surviving a liposuction procedure that went array due to the fact she's an idiot. She sat up right after surgery and ripped all the stitches out of her back and bled out almost dying and had a long and painful recovery after that.

Karen has a cousin, Romona, who appeared this season. Romona's claim to fame is that Al Pacino played her grandfather in Donnie Brasco. They're both obviously jealous of Drita and have no lives since all they do is talk about her on the regular.

So they are all at Renee's party and for a second Karen was talking to about making amends with Drita, until Romona stepped in to dissuade her from it. The same way she 'stepped in' when Karen and Drita were outside of the party talking out their problems to the best of their abilities, because like I mentioned Karen has no intention of getting over it. When Romona came in running her mouth and started this all out 2 against 1 brawl that was pretty gnarly!

Like I mentioned before, Drita is my favorite, because she seems to have a good head on her shoulders and is able to use logic and common sense when dealing with all these bat shit crazy women. She's also a hot head with a temper and has a tendency to make her point violently, which she's working on but obviously there's unresolved issues there. She's not out of line though, she just won't take shit from anyone and I can respect that. If I had two simple bitches in my ear getting crazy I'd want to do the same thing!

They all have ongoing, trivial problems with one another and new things are constantly arising. After hesitantly getting into watching the first season I was hooked. Now I'm coming into the 2nd season knowing that it's going to be on like Michelle Kwon and I can't wait.

Getting With The Program

In 2011 I made a lot of life changes such as starting my own business, losing 30 lbs, working on having patience and things of that nature. Working on becoming the person I want to be is something I'm at least thinking about on a regular basis. When the new year was upon us I didn't feel compelled to make resolutions, because I already thought those aspects of my life need to be worked out on a day to day basis, not just once a year for a few weeks until the novelty wears off.

However, working on myself on the daily gets draining and I did start to let the promises to myself go towards the end of 2011. I got really busy with holiday festivities, traveling and eating, you know how it goes. This all ended with bringing in the New Year in San Francisco with some slight debauchery. I basically lived off a bowl of oatmeal and The Drink on the day of New Years Eve.

In 2012 as my business grows and expands I'm finding I'll have less free time. Making the time to accomplish personal goals is important to me and my sanity. Despite being apprehensive about making resolutions, I decided this was the best plan of action. It's a new year and a clean slate, I wanted to publicly announce what I want achieve so I'm held accountable for it (at least in my own mind). I figured my competitive nature will kick in and help me follow through with what I want to achieve. Setting goals is always a good thing right?

First, I want to read more. I've never been a great 'reader', I usually pick up books in ebs and flows. Sometimes I'm really into it and will jam through 3 or 4 books, at other times just the idea of it makes me bored so I'll go months without reading anything more than a magazine. Mainly because I'm obsessed with being lazy in front of the TV in my free time, however I feel like my brain is turning into baby mush. Plus I'm going to Europe for my 30th (DIRTY 30!) this year and I want to read up on the countries I'm visiting.

Second, I want to work out more. If it were this time last year I would be rolling my eyes at that statement but since I've started working out I've never felt better about myself (and my ba-ba-ba-ba-bangin bod)! My ass is high and tight and I'm really addicted to exercise, turns out it really does give you more energy and makes you physically feel better, who knew huh? When the weather started getting colder and I started getting busy with holiday stuff the exercise regime quickly went out the window. I want to kick it back into gear ASAP. Before we know it Summer will be here and I'll be vowing to get a tan then which requires a bikini.

Third, I'd like to spend more time creating. I'm not necessarily talented, but I am creative and like spending time doing things that give me an outlet for that. I'm going to write more for my own sake, whether it be journaling or blogging (so get ready for more Quip all up in yo face!) and follow through with more 'crafts' or 'fix its' that I always talk about wanting to do but never follow through with.

Forth, I swear I'm getting the tattoo of an AK-47 with Devendra Banhart arrows around it on my boob removed, (I know, it was a really classy decision when I was 19). Not only will this stop complete strangers from asking to see my boob or pointing out that I have 'a tattoo on my boobie' but also I decided I don't want any tattoos on my chest. Appointment already set for next week! Out with the old and in with the new!

I hope everyone has an ah-mazing 2012 despite what the Mayans say!

Snapped

Money, Lies & Greed

After all the Christmas festivities I came home Sunday night obviously choosing to get high on the couch over going out with all my peers to a bar and socializing. At any rate I turn on the TV to see what was on the DVR, and to my delight a new Snapped had been recorded! It was like a final Xmas present to me. Nothing like a good old 'Schnapped', as my roommate and I have taken to calling it, to pass the time.

I discovered Snapped years ago because of my Golden Girl obsession, the old reruns are played on Oxygen. However, whenever I talk about Snapped, no one knows what I'm talking about, men and women alike. Snapped is an hour long docu-drama on Oxygen. Each episode features a none fiction narrative of a woman who committed murder, or tried to commit murder.  In most cases the target is the individual's spouse. That said, I believe I've only seen 2 episodes where the target wasn't deceased.

Every episode opens with the crime scene and usually the 9-1-1 phone call that was placed, while the voice over gives you a little synopsis of what happened and a possible who-done-it.  Spoiler Alert: the woman they're investigating for the next hour always are guilty, that's why they're doing an episode about it.  Although I must say there are a lot of twists and turns that happen while collecting the evidence and building the case as investigators try to discover exactly what went down.

Watching investigators discover why these women killed their husbands, mostly by poisoning or shooting them, is endlessly entertaining. Especially with the cases where the women hired a hit-man to do it, since the investigators need to collect enough evidence to make a strong enough case against the spouse for murder when they weren't the ones who 'pulled the trigger' so to speak.

You don't necessarily have to be into this type of thing to find this show entertaining. I've tried watching the First 48 before, but I really wasn't into it. However, on Snapped I've seen everything from a teenage girl who killed her father and fellow high school student to a woman who had an affair with a man just to get him to kill her husband to a doctor that killed her husband for his life insurance. Watch it, it's ah-mazing.

Jersey Shore 5th & Finale Season

I'm not ashamed to admit I love J Shore and I'm going to be really sad to see it go. You can't say you don't like this show. In fact the people I come across in most cases who really hate The Jersey Shore, in actuality have never seen it before. I feel like I need to remind people who don't like this show of that on a regular basis. Depriving yourself of sheer, utter hilariousness based on principal is a joyless way to live! Sometimes the in house drama gets old, but I never tire of the amazing vocabulary that comes out of their mouths or their insane 'mating rituals'.

Back to the awesomeness of the show and it's editors. As hilarious as Italy was, these guidos and guidettes really need to be back in their own element to really thrive. I can't wait to see what the 5th and finale season has to offer now that they're back where they belong! 

MTV has released a serious of super hilarious commercials for this upcoming season starting January 5th. Happy New Year to me! Serial, they're like 15 seconds long and make me die in hysterics.  I'm easily amused and I'm loving every minute of it.

#J Wowwwwww

 

#Tanorexic bro

#Gorilla in the mist

#Meatball down

#Merp

#BunnySmush